More Fallout from the Manny Ramirez Trade

Late reports from Cal Tech on Sunday evening indicate that the earthquake on Tuesday 7/29 was actually caused by anticipation of the Manny Ramirez trade. Geosciences Professor Richard Nibbler said in a statement that, "We have found that the earthquake, which was based in Chino Hills, began as a result of a Dodger fan reading a message board rumor that Mr. Ramirez would be coming to his favorite team." The fan, identified only as "Big Petey," began jubilantly jumping up and down at the prospect of Baseball actually meaning something in Los Angeles. "Big Petey" could not be reached to comment but sources say that he owns season tickets in the right outfield "all you can eat section" and has vowed to eat only Dodger dogs "showered in nacho cheese" until his beloved boys in blue win the pennant.

In related news, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is facing heat after Ramirez easily passed through airport security and was able to travel from Boston to his new home, Los Angeles, carrying a dog on his head undetected. The two security checkpoint officers who allowed Ramirez to pass through at Boston's Logan International Airport were dismissed on Saturday. When asked to turn in their uniforms the two refused, wanting to keep the shirts that Ramirez had autographed.

A swing and a miss, if only she played baseball

Ramirez himself could face Michael Vick-like charges of animal cruelty after Stacy McPhiefer, president of a Los Angeles based Animal Rights group, witnessed the dog escape from under the Slugger's hat and run around in left field during the fourth inning of the Dodgers 9-3 win on Sunday. McPhiefer said, "All I wanted to do was enjoy a baseball game with my son, try to catch a foul ball, and enjoy eating a couple Dodger Dogs. This disregard for animal's rights outrages me and frankly taints the sport. My group will make sure that Mr. Ramirez can no longer exhibit this cruelty. We will begin to crack down more on athletes who believe they are above the law. I plan on investigating how the Arizona Diamondbacks have been allowed to let a vulture pitch under the name Randy Johnson for years."

Ramirez's hair/dog escaped Sunday, surprising fans

A recently leaked photo of The Big Unit being held in his
locker room cage before a game is sure to bring problems to the Diamondbacks.